Thursday, October 12, 2017

Two Month Relationship

Here's a wonderful story and experience of mine. I started to talk to a guy via messenger. We're totally strangers. He's from Manila and I'm from Cavite. We don't have any mutual friends that's why it makes the moment more interesting. I get to know more about his life and all. I felt amazed and happy. We talked that night up until morning. My heart started to beat fast like it was the first time to feel a pounding heart.

He started to tell me his stories. He just ended his relationship a couple of days ago. Unfortunately, he's been in a recent bad commitment. I felt sad, angry and all.

To cut the story short, I sided him in all aspects. I believed in him. I don't care about the negativities of the situation. I just felt happy with his company. Until one day, he came to my work place. I felt so nervous and excited at the same time. It's my first time to meet a person whom I didn't know or I just talked to through social media. Yung first time na he's coming to me, omygosh. I felt so kilig. I don't know. Maybe ang lakas lang ng impact nya sakin. He made me feel yung feeling na 'be comfortable, don't feel awkward'. And for me, that's a major turn on ❤

In a very short period of time, i know everyone will judge me na 'sobrang ngayon mo palang nakilala, inlove ka na' I don't really know. Nangyari lang na isang araw, mahal ko na sya. And how blessed I am that he also loved me back. And yun na siguro yung moment na pinaka hinihintay ko. To be loved back by the person  I love. 😇💕 I prayed for it that one day he'll come. I thanked God everyday for giving me the man I am praying for.

But suddenly, my fairytale insights started to change the way i never expected. I felt his inconsistency. Bigla nalang isang araw nagmamakaawa na ako sa attention nya, sa love nya, sa time nya. I started to feel that everything is changing na unti unti. Tho ganon yung nafifeel ko, I closed my eyes. I still love him with all my heart. I centered my life to him. He is my priority, I must consider his feelings because I don't want to lose him. I gave him everything he needed just to make him feel that he's complete. Sometimes kasi, feeling nya sobrang sirang sira na sya, then I am complete. I can share it to him.

He is my man, he is my boyfriend, he is my partner, he's my king, he's the love songs I want to write, he's my inspiration, he's my one of a kind, he's my love, he's my everything but maybe I'm not his 'mine'. 💔 Maybe I'm one of his "my someone's trial" Maybe I'm just his girl to relieve the pain he's been through.

There comes the point that I don't care to myself. Wala na akong pakialam kung magmukha akong katawa tawa o magmukha na kong tanga para sa kanya. Basta for me, AYOKO LANG SYA MAWALA SAKIN! Kasi i love him so much.

Pero the story doesn't end the way I wanted it to last. He saw girls the way I never expect him to be. Sabi nya sakin, wala na syang ibang titignan. Sabi nya sakin he's not into girls like that dahil that's something gross to think daw. But hindi ganon yung nangyari. 😢

Up until now, I don't know why he caused me pain so much. Yung akala kong hindi ako kayang saktan, sya pa yung magpapafeel sakin ng sobrang sakit. Yes I know, I overthink, I nag, I felt paranoid. And that's all because of my gut feeling that he's cheating on me. 💔

I am a good investigator that I know what he did. Di nta lang alam pero alam ko.

Pero ngayon, wala nang galit. Sa kabila ng lahat, I already forgave him. We started to talk again. Iniisip ko nalang yung good memories namin together. Yung video calls, calls, selfies namin together. Those were the happy moments. The "kilig ones".

Atleast, after all these, I felt how to be treated as a girlfriend. I tried to use my effort to the person I really love. I miss those moments na masaya lang. When everything was true pa. No pagpapanggap, no lies. Just me and you. 😢

Pero iba na ngayon, maybe di lang talaga para satin yung oras na 'to. I don't know what the future will be. I know you're still talking to soooo many girls pa din. Idk if u're pursuing them pero ang sad lang kasi bakit ako di ko kayang makipag date, makipag mingle agad sa guys? Hmm.

Basta keep in mind that yung lahat ng love na binigay ko, totoo yun. Pure love. Hindi ko inisip na mapalagay ka sa mali kaya nagagalit ako kapag alam kong may ginagawa kang hindi tama. After all the wrongdoings, I still believe in everything about you. May potential ka. You're smart, madiskarte, magaling. You possessed all the traits na employer want to. Kailangan lang may magopen na opportunity.

Until now, kahit wala na tayo, I still believe in you. I still care. If you need a true friend, I am here. I hope someday you'll open your mind and heart to all my words I am telling you since day 1. Goodluck

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Chaos

Minsan iniisip ko, ganito ba talaga? Ako nalang yung laging nasasaktan. Ako nalang lagi yung nagsasuffer?
Ginagawa ko naman lahat.. Pinapakita ko naman na worth it ako. Pero bakit parang laging natetake for granted? Bat ganito.
Bat sila ang bilis nilang makahanap? Bakit ang bilis naman nila makalimot? Bat laging may kapalit na? Bakit ako lagi nalang buo yung binibigay ko pero kahit konting effort na binibigay ko di ko maranasan na gawin naman sakin?
Ang unfair lang. Deserve ko ba talaga 'to? :(

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Unfair

Ang unfair naman.

Why do I still love you when you never did in the first place?
Why do I still care when you don't even said sorry for all the bullshits you did.
Why do I still want us to be together when you're enjoying exploring other woman?
Why do I still love you despite of all shits you did?
Why do I still can't get you out of my head?
Why do I still longing for your voice, your hugs, You!

Life is so unfair, I just invested too much feelings and love, and now I am here left alone and trying to forget all the pain that put me through.

Friday, September 8, 2017

I miss you...

Dumadating nalang ako sa puntong bwisit na bwisit pa din ako sa mga nangyari.
Tinatanong ko pa din sarili ko na, bakit ganon? Bat ko nga ba pinasok 'to? Hahahaha!
Ang dami ko nang nalaman. Ang dami dami na. And siguro sapat na yun para tigilan ko na kasi masyado ko nang napatunayan sa sarili kong hindi ko deserve yung show na binuo nya. Show that uplifts himself.
Pero hanggang ngayon gusto ko pa ring malaman kung minahal mo ba ko talaga? Nagcare ka ba talaga? O sadyang sinama mo lang ako sa listahan ng mga nilaro mo? Sakit naman. Di ba ko maganda for you? Di ba talaga ko enough kaya ka naghanap ng iba? Di ba ko pangseryosohan for you? Playtime lang ba talaga ko sayo?
Grabe lang kasi, ako, simula umpisa. Seryoso na agad yung naisip ko. Palabas lang pala lahat :(
Masagot mo lang lahat yan ng honest, okay nako. Kahit sabihin ml pang simula palang talaga, di naman seryosohan hanap mo. kahit masakit pa, basta totoo :( Kakayanin kong tanggapin.
Hanggang ngayon miss pa din kita. Gusto pa din kita. Gusto kitang kamustahin..
Gusto kitang ipaglaban, gusto kitang kausapin at sabihing let's be okay, let's be together again. Let's make things work baby.. Pero wala naman na tayong magagawa.
Kasi pakiramdam ko, wala naman talaga na umpisa pa lang.
May chance kayang mabasa mo 'to choi? Pag nabasa mo 'to, sana masagot mo yung mga tanong ko. Wag ka maghesitate na imessage ako, kasi ikaw lang naman yung hinihintay ko :(
Gaga ko! Hahahaha Alam ko na ngang gago, gusto ko pa din. Miss ko pa din. walangya lang renzi Hahaha.

How to get rid of a person who became so precious to me? How to forget? How to unlove you? How to be fine? How to accept? How to realize? How to wake up? How? :( I'm still in pain.

Sobrang lakas ng impact sakin ng mga pangyayaring to. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang magmahal ulit at magtiwala. Ang hirap.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Teachings

Appreciation Post:

Thank you Lord for all the lessons I gained from bad and good experience.

You taught me the feeling of falling in love so madly.

You taught me how is the feeling of being loved by someone you loved the most.

You made me realize how capable I am to express the love I can offer.

You made me realize that love really means sacrificing everything just to make sure that your loved one is happy.

You made me realize that I am not the only good girl ever existed.

You taught me how it feels when you're really in pain.

You taught me patience.

You taught me from the first place that I should listen to you.

You taught me that I should balance my heart and my mind. Alwayd believe in your instincts because it's God's way of talking to you.

You made me realize that there are soooo many people who loves me and appreciate me that I shouldn't beg for one person's love.

You made me realize that even you did everything, you gave everything.. If he's not into you, he'll cheat, he'll lie.

You made me realize that I shouldn't trust people so easily.

You made me realize that I must not gave in so essily because I am worth a thousand efforts and feelings.

You made me realize what real love is and what love can do for all of the people.

You taught me that love offers extreme emotions. Extreme happiness and extreme sadness.

You made me realize that I should know how to wait for my turn. Don't rush things.

You taught me how to be strong.

You made me realize that I shouldn't be underdog.

You taught me to stand up when everything fails.

You whispered to me that I must continue my life.

You taught me to believe in myself.

You taught me everything that I should learn.

And most above all, you taught me how to forgive.


Maybe that's the reason why I met people. Why I met my fairytale and nightmare in one.
Atleast now, I learned how I can love someone. That I can do anything for love but atleast know my limits.

Thanks for everything, Lord! You are really the best and you never failed me. All praises! I love you! ❤

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Huli na'ng Lahat

Tunay at masayang pag-ibig,
bakit 'tila nawalang silbi.
Iisa tayo ngunit pilit.
Damdamin ko'y hindi mawari.

Wala 'kong pinagsisisihan.
Lahat nang 'to'y katotohanan.
Ikaw pa rin aking kailangan,
Ikaw pa rin ang sagot sa pagtahan.

Inintindi ang sinabi,
pakiramdam mo nama'y hindi.
Ngunit ika'y nagkakamali.
Alam ko, kailangang harapin.

Ikaw pa rin naman, sa puso ko.
Walang iba, di kayang maglaro.
Kahit alam kong ika'y may iba nang gusto.
Di man aminin, ngunit masakit 'to.

Kahit pano ika'y nagsawa,
Sabihin mo mang hinding hindi,
Ngunit ito'y aking nadama.
Tila ika'y palayo na ng unti-unti.

Binigay ang lahat sa'yo.
Maramdaman mo lang na ika'y buo.
Pero bakit parang may naglalaho.
Pag-ibig mong sakin lang noon.

Siguro nga ito'y hindi para satin.
Tama man ngunit maling pilitin.
Kahit ipaglaban, wala namang didinggin,
Pag-ibig na nasayang natin.

Sana mawala na sa isip,
Na ako'y hindi naging totoo.
Alam kong alam mo ang kalakip
Ng damdamin kong puro puso.

Darating ang panahon,
Ako'y hindi na maalala,
ng puso mong pilit kinahon.
Isang hiling, sana'y natulungan kitang lumigaya.

Hanggang ngayon di alam,
saan pupunta ang pusong walang lugar.
Puro nalang pag-aasam,
sa susunod na kabanata'y may lugar.

Ito na siguro ang huli.
Ayaw mang aminin pero ito na.
Sana ika'y kaya nyang mahalin,
Tulad ng pag-ibig kong tinatapos na.

Masakit mang isipin ngunit wala na akong magagawa. 😭💔

Tagalog, para mas ramdam na ramdam ko. 😢

Renzi Arriola
August 23, 2017 7:24PM

Saturday, August 19, 2017

FACT. CHECK!

I agree, sayang nga talaga si Caleb bilang jowa mo. If only matino sya. Or okay lang naman kung di sya matino. Pero nalabas talaga na may halaga ka lang kasi may benefits.

Narealize ko, di ka nga siguro balak seryosohin nyan. Kasi kaya di ka nyan niligawan kasi di nya gusto ng commitment. Gusto nya lang ng kalandian after breakup. Normal sa mga lalaki yun e. Yung kalandian after masaktan. Like see, ngayon diba? Proud to say sya na ano ka ba sa kanya, di ka naman niligawan. Di ka naman girlfriend. La namang kayo. Successful sya dun kasi parang right decision na di ka nya niligawan.

Siguro sa 2 months na meron kayo, akala mo love yung nakikita mo. Pero more of kaya sya nageeffort kasi masaya sya. Nawawala yung mga stress nya sa buhay habang kausap o kasama ka.

Kaya nahurt sya nung nang-iwan ka. Kasi panglandian ka nga lang diba? So expectation nya e sya ang magliligwak sayo. Pero sorry, naunahan mo sya.
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Kaya please lang, wag tayong papagago sa gago. Kung alam mo nang may mali, LEAVE. Wag mo na isugar coat! Tama na. Kasi dun lang mageend up. Dun lang din mapupunta. You don't deserve a bullshit!