Let's start to tell my story from the month of January. This is the start of my new experiences. A new Renzi entering her new life with new friends and old friends. I got to experience so many things on my own. And then I knew this guy, sobrang bata nya pa. Pero uhaw na uhaw nga sa pag-ibig, so why not. Let's try! Nagustuhan ko naman sya, namiss ko rin yung feeling na may umiintindi. Pero ang bata nya masyado so hindi rin kami nagwork out. Naging nagger, needy and clingy ako that I forgot he has a life too and I have mine. Masyado siguro ako nastuck sa relationship na "nagmumunduhan". One day, he confessed na hindi ko raw sya deserve. I have more to offer pero sya wala. So ending? I let him go, then that's the start of my fucked up 2017 love life.
I never lose hope, I tried entertaining guys. Let's say mid April, nagparamdam na naman sakin yung ka-batch ko back when I was a trainee sa Ajanta. Ever since I feel attracted naman na sa kanya, I don't know pero ang bilis ko maattach sa guy na sweet, gent pero may pagka angas. Siguro influence rin ni DJ? Hahahaha! It was so funny because I remember why he started talking to me again is because I posted a picture on IG or FB, I can't even remember the exact account but I posted a picture of me with a nice face or would I say na medyo maganda naman talaga ako sa picture na yun. So ayun, we talked, chat and all. To the point na he also wanted to meet up again because it's been almost a year since we last saw each other. I remember pa I was going to a job fair nun sa dream company ko and malapit lang sya dun that's why I pushed him too na makipagkita. Honestly, gusto ko rin talaga. Pero he gave me signals na "sasaglit lang ako ha? Pupunta pa kasi akong Manila" I disregarded that signal, go pa rin ako. So to cut this story short we met and yung saglit nya? Tumagal hahaha. Naging mas madalas yung usapan namin pero hindi rin nagtagal. Dumating sa point na niyaya nya ulit ako, I think twice pero he didn't came up.
Hanggang sa nagcome-up ako sa isang blog post..
Moving on to the continuation of May 2017 experience, I talked to another guy. He's nice and not really gwapo pero masarap naman sya kausap. He's more needy than me kaya medyo natuwa rin ako kasi I know he's interested talking to me. Pero one day naiinis na ako sa mga hirit nya. Masyado syang natutuwa sa mg good-looking friends ko. Until one day sobrang nacucute-an daw sya sakin pero hindi raw ako maganda. So that's one thing na na-off na ako. Hindi ko na rin sya kinausap after that.
Then June 2017 came.. He also came. Eto yung experience na naging pinaka maganda at pinaka mahirap sa kin. Almost all my latest blog post ay tungkol sa kanya. He is really the one who made me stronger. He gave me so much pain, he let me felt all the feelings I must feel when I am inlove. He taught me that love doesn't mean happy endings. It means suffering and sacrificing. He made me realize that I can love more than anything in this world. I can love selflessly. But, he also made me feel all the pain I can feel, he made me feel how stupid I am when I fall in love. He made me think how small I am compared to all other ladies. But the most lesson I learned from him is that I cannot get all what I want. Not because I lived to be outsanding, most cared of, it doesn't mean I'm on the top of everything and can't be touched by anyone. He is my most wonderful yet messed up experience ever happened to me.
I suffered August-November crying and realizing what is really the reason why I met my June guy.
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I never stopped, I still try myself hard finding someone for me. Then, I found my November guy. He came to a bad relationship but 3 years. He is caring, he somehow pursue me. He made me feel that he loves me but I always feel that there's something less. I disregarded that feeling kasi baka nga feeling ko lang. Unlike my June guy, mas nafeel ko sa kanya na he wanted to tell the world that I am his girl. He fall in love so easily so am I. Honestly, before, di ako seryoso pero habang tumatagal gustong gusto ko na sya... pero habang tumatagal, nagbabago na rin sya. Lahat ng sinabi nya, iba na yung lumalabas sa actions. Dinisregard ko pa rin. Hanggang sa dumating yung birthday ko na never ko nafeel na excited ako (first time). He started to ruin my bithday. He broke up with me during my birthday. How bullshit it is diba. After a day, I found out that he's talking to other girls. Ang bigat and masakit pero I don't know why I feel used to it. Nakakatawa lang na nafeel ko talagang sincere sya and he won't cheat because alam nya yung feeling na lokohin, he also knew everything that happened to me. Pero, naloko nya pa rin ako. Well.. so we ended things between us. He blocked me.
So that was my almost summary of 2017 love journey. Hahahah! So many lessons I will carry to be much wiser for 2018! I can't wait for another wonderful experience to face and less problems please.
Hindi naman buong 2017 akong malungkot, nakapunta ako ng iba't ibang place, natuto ako sa lugar, naharap ko yung ibang fears ko, nakita ko kung sino nga ba yung totoong kaibigan na nandyan para sakin despite of my kadramahan. Nakameet ako ng new friends, we targeted our quotas sa work and most of all, I learned so many things.. :)
I don't know where 2018 will take me but I just wanna thank 2017. Lagi kong sinasabi na ang malas ko talaga this year pero narealize ko na ito lang yung year na ginising ako sa reality. 2017 had really been so hard saken pero kailangan nyang gawin yun para matuto and mamulat ako sa real life, real world...
Thank You! Cheers to my life journey.. Let's see what will happen next!
