Akala ko

Akala ko noon ako'y palayo na.
Ngunit sa isang iglap ng iyong ngiting para sa akin,
Itinalon ang malayong agwat at humarap nang muli sa'yo.
Umasang tama ang naging desisyon ko.
Ipinaramdam ng kaunti ang natitira mong pag-ibig.
Lumigaya namang saglit,
Ngunit bakit parang may mali pa rin.
Pinilit intindihin ang mga bagay na alam kong nagbibigay depinisyon sa iyong sarili.
Binigyan ng pagkakataong yakapin ang iyong mundong nakasanayan, ang iyong buhay na ginagalawan.
Ngunit, sa kabila nang lahat,
Aking napagtantong ibang tao na ang hinuhubog kong maging ako.
Hindi tamang pilitin ko ang aking sarili para lamang masakyan ko at masabayan ang iyong pag-ihip.
Hindi tama. Hindi.
At sa isang iglap nang aking pagpikit,
Pagpikit nang saglit habang malalim ang iniisip sa aking muling pagbalik,
Pagbalik sa iyong bisig, yakap at halik..
Bigla nalang tumulo ang luha,
Nagtaka at idinilat ang mga matang tila'y nakapikit.
At sa aking pag gising, nakita kong sa iba mo na iniaalay ang akala kong pag-ibig na aking binalikan.
Matapang na binalikan sa pagasang alam kong mayroon pa ring "tayo".
Bakit ganoon? Bakit ganoon kabilis?
Isa lamang ba akong pagsubok na iyong sinubukan para malaman kung may natitira pa?
Isa nga lang ba akong parausan sa mga panahong walang wala ka?
Isa nga lang ba ako sa mga babaeng patuloy mong niloloko?
Isa nga lang ba ako, isa nga lang ba ako sa mga taong iiisantabi mo lang matapos na pakinabangan?
Maraming tanong na alam kong hindi na masasagot.
At ito na rin siguro ang panahon upang iwanan ang mga katanungang ito dito sa aking kinakatayuan.
Eto na, eto na ang simula,
Simula nang tunay kong paglayo...
Wala nang lilingunin, tatakpan ang tenga at mata.
Hindi na makikiramdam sa mga ihip at haplos,
Hindi na muling papapigil.
Wala nang pintuan para sayo, mahal ko.
Tanging dasal ko lamang, lumigaya ka sana nawa, sa mga kagaguhang hinding hindi mo natatapos.

Positively Happy

I don't know if I should blog this but I think it will help my mood and feelings.

It happened very fast. I don't know. We were good at first and biglang hey something poked me na hindi talaga right and I'm not okay sa set up.
Yes, I understand him more the moment I met his friend. I tried. I really do. Tinry ko yung set up na gusto nya and tinry ko rin yung attitude na will catch him but 'til the end, wala pa ring nangyari. Things don't really work out the way I wanted to be.

I realized that maybe we really differ in lifestyle. He's a guy who party, a guy who loves everything that will make him "YOLO". He is a guy who prioritize FUN. And I am not. I prefer chitchat with friends, hangout with friends pero not in a party way. Siguro sa ganong matter kaya I can't understand him and he can't understand me.

Yes I was also shocked. That in just few days of not being okay, he is inlove with another girl na tipong lagi nyang sinasabi sakin na he's not into playing and stuff na (Hahaha okay gaga alert para maniwala ba?) Another thing, sa ganon kabilis? Well i don't want to comment na hehe. And yea, I thank God coz he made me strong. Nashocked, somehow nasaktan in a way but hindi grabe. And i'm wondering kasi na yung issue namin is publicity, then all of a sudden, he's posting a girl's photo and all pero ang show off nya sakin he doesn't want to do that. Idk what's his purpose pero Idk I felt pain yet I also felt happiness for him.

Maybe this time, that girl would change him. Maybe that girl is the answer to all his wants. If ever, I'm happy for him. Sana nga si girl na.

Let's all be happy and accept everything that happened na. Yea, ginago ako. I invest and invest and invest and invest pa pero walang ROI. Hahaha. Pero ganon naman talaga siguro. Kahit anong pakita mo ng worth mo, pag hindi ka gusto and hindi para sayo, hindi makikita. Well, let's just accept it nalang.

I already accepted the situation. I'm just taking my time to be sad and happy at the same time. There's no room for hoping and I shouldn't have too, also.

All my prayers to the guy I loved the most and to his new girl. I wish that both of you will find happiness to each other. 🙂


Isa lang naman wish ko, na mafeel kong kahit pano naging worthy lahat ng ginawa ko and na malaman nya kung gaano ako nasaktan while risking everything for him by not asking anything in return of those investments. Pero I know di sya ganon.

And there's still a question in my mind na, why would you continue keeping me kung hindi mo naman pala ako gusto in the first place? Are we talking money matters here? You know, di ako nagsumbat. But hey, I also wanted to remind you that I was there when you needed someone.

Kung gago rin ako like him, pinagsalitaan ko na sya nang masama, minura and all. Maybe kinausap ko pa si girl, ginulo ko pa sila. Pero hindi e. Di ako ganong person to ruin someone's happiness.

Well. That's all. Si God na bahala. PLEASE DON'T MAKE STORIES FOR HER NA, DON'T LIE. JUST BE YOU.


let's all be positive. 🙂