I still don't get it why I feel what I am feeling now. I'm pissed, hurt and sad. Nakakainis kasi yung alam ko naman na panandalian lang yung ganon pero affected pa rin ako masyado. Nakakainis kasi kahit sabihin ko sa sarili ko na snob ko na ren to ha. Kasi inisnob rin naman ako, pag ayan na. Di ko na mapigilan. Di ko na matiis. Ang unfair. Hayyy. Sobrang unfair. Sya, kakusapin lang ako pag gusto nya ng kausap o kaya pag gusto nya ng magaalaga sa kanya. Pero pag hindi, wala na ulit. Bakit ganon. Apat na taon na akong trap sa ganitong sitwasyon pero hindi ko pa rin magawang makaalis. :( Hayyyy. Tapos ilang araw lang, feeling ko may mababalitaan na naman ako na sobrang ikasasakit ko. Nararamdaman ko yung pagbabalik loob nilang dalawa e. Nung love na love nya. Ano ba naman laban ko dun. Walang wala. Ang yaman, maganda, makinis, maputi at syempre gustong gusto nya. Eh ako? Mabait lang ako saknya. Yun lang! Yun lang talaga. Kahit nga siguro maganda, di ako pasok sa standards nya. :( Sad to say but yes. Hayyy. Tapos nakakausap nya pa yung isa nyang nakamabutihan rin. Sobrang nagseselos talaga ako. Sobra. Kahit walang karapatan. :( Kahit wala syang paki sakin. Kahit na. Naiinis pa rin ako. Gustong gusto ko na makawala sa ganitong feeling. Ang hirap kasi e. Ang sakit sakit pa. Pero hindi ko alam kung pano. Hindi kp magawa yung tama! Kasi sa twing medyo umookay na yung pakiramdam ko, yan na naman sya biglang magpaparamdam ng konti lang. Tapos mawawala ulit. KASI NGA DI NAMAN AKO GANON KAIMPORTANTE SAKANYA. malinaw naman sakin yun e. Pero andito pa rin ako. Huhuhu. Sobra na. Tangang tanga na ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko kasi talaga kayang iwan e. Kahit wala naman ako nakukuhang kapalit. Nagiging masaya ako pag masaya sya. Pero pag nakikita ko na masaya sya sa iba, sobra akong nasasaktan. Di ko na talaga alam.
At ikaw naman, mas okay pa siguro na di mo nalang ako chinachat, tinetext o kinakausap. Mas makakatulong ka sakin pag ganon. Sa totoo lang! Pag ginagawa mo kasi yung mga yan, naaattach na naman ako e. Napaparanoid pag seen mo lang ako o kaya di mo replyan. Kaya mas okay sana na wag mo nalang muna ako contact-in. K? Hayyyyy 😪😪
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Monday, September 14, 2015
It was all me
Everything is happy at first but when it is at second, it was all a disaster.
This is a sad story of my life. Beware of it.
I met a wonderful guy who made me happy and feel alive again. No expectations, no assumptions. Just the "kilig" and happiness. We used to talk for hours. We used to chat for hours. We used to miss each other a lot. We used to. "USED TO". Until it was almost over. Almost done. Almost nothing. Or should I say none at all.
People always make ways to drift away my happiness. There was always a villain in a scene. It would be impossible for me to stop those hindrances. Well, I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY. "ALWAYS". Maybe i will never be someone's first this time. I'm always the one who makes them feel the life in a lighter way. But how 'bout me? Who can help me carry those heavy loads I get whenever I made a person feel lighter? Who would help me stand up whenever I fall off the ground? All these time, it was all me helping myself. I am the only one. Sad but true. :)
A piece of advice fellas: If your friend likes someone, don't try to grab the opportunity to have it coz sometimes, you'll never know that it is the only hope they're holding on.
This is a sad story of my life. Beware of it.
I met a wonderful guy who made me happy and feel alive again. No expectations, no assumptions. Just the "kilig" and happiness. We used to talk for hours. We used to chat for hours. We used to miss each other a lot. We used to. "USED TO". Until it was almost over. Almost done. Almost nothing. Or should I say none at all.
People always make ways to drift away my happiness. There was always a villain in a scene. It would be impossible for me to stop those hindrances. Well, I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY. "ALWAYS". Maybe i will never be someone's first this time. I'm always the one who makes them feel the life in a lighter way. But how 'bout me? Who can help me carry those heavy loads I get whenever I made a person feel lighter? Who would help me stand up whenever I fall off the ground? All these time, it was all me helping myself. I am the only one. Sad but true. :)
A piece of advice fellas: If your friend likes someone, don't try to grab the opportunity to have it coz sometimes, you'll never know that it is the only hope they're holding on.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Definitely Invisible
Rainbows came by behind the rain.
The sun comes up after the pain.
It was all calm, unlocking chain.
Flowers seems to bloom, beautiful again.
Shattered memories were all gone,
only bright colors start to shine.
All that I foresee was the fun,
not knowing that it can be crime.
I let you go because it's right.
Never mine, but all yours to fight.
I'm the only one playing kite
'cause you never see, way up high.
All the sacrifices went back.
It seems that, in cards I'm just your Jack.
Questions in mind that were unjust.
Why does you notice them, so fast?
It would be better if you said you don't have interest. It would be much better if you tell me, "don't worry and never bother because it's nothing." But all you said means, you're getting there. You're slaying. I don't have any right but the hardest part was you know what I've been through all these time. You know my story. I told you my story. The pain just came back. The sacrifices slapped me again. The memories are remembered. I don't know how to act because I don't want to be selfish. But, it hurts when you can't just tell me. You don't have the guts. It was all mine since everything changed. I let go because it's the right thing to do. I don't want to be stupid anymore. But even though I changed, there was still a part of me carrying those pieces in the past. It's not easy to throw away those memories I had. Those memories that made me happy and fulfilled. Those memories that made me know myself more. Those memories who hurt me. And most of all, those memories that made me lift up, love again and focus on myself. Those memories that made me realize my worth. It's not easy. I told you, it's not easy. If you were going to kidnap and grab the opportunity, why not. But I will tell you, I will be uncomfortable. I can gradually recover but I don't know if I'm going to be okay with that. I will accept but I may not bless.
Maybe some people will understand me, and maybe others not. It makes me sad knowing that it doesn't notice me. All the efforts, all the sacrifices were all waste. It will just prove me, face to face that it really doesn't belong to me.
Someday, I can get out of the moment. I can live without you slaying my old happiness.
"I'm just a butterfly flying with no reason and finding my desired match that can only use me and leave me after"
"I'm just an invisible angel, doing all the efforts just for you to be in good hands but cannot notice and be acknowledge."
The sun comes up after the pain.
It was all calm, unlocking chain.
Flowers seems to bloom, beautiful again.
Shattered memories were all gone,
only bright colors start to shine.
All that I foresee was the fun,
not knowing that it can be crime.
I let you go because it's right.
Never mine, but all yours to fight.
I'm the only one playing kite
'cause you never see, way up high.
All the sacrifices went back.
It seems that, in cards I'm just your Jack.
Questions in mind that were unjust.
Why does you notice them, so fast?
It would be better if you said you don't have interest. It would be much better if you tell me, "don't worry and never bother because it's nothing." But all you said means, you're getting there. You're slaying. I don't have any right but the hardest part was you know what I've been through all these time. You know my story. I told you my story. The pain just came back. The sacrifices slapped me again. The memories are remembered. I don't know how to act because I don't want to be selfish. But, it hurts when you can't just tell me. You don't have the guts. It was all mine since everything changed. I let go because it's the right thing to do. I don't want to be stupid anymore. But even though I changed, there was still a part of me carrying those pieces in the past. It's not easy to throw away those memories I had. Those memories that made me happy and fulfilled. Those memories that made me know myself more. Those memories who hurt me. And most of all, those memories that made me lift up, love again and focus on myself. Those memories that made me realize my worth. It's not easy. I told you, it's not easy. If you were going to kidnap and grab the opportunity, why not. But I will tell you, I will be uncomfortable. I can gradually recover but I don't know if I'm going to be okay with that. I will accept but I may not bless.
Maybe some people will understand me, and maybe others not. It makes me sad knowing that it doesn't notice me. All the efforts, all the sacrifices were all waste. It will just prove me, face to face that it really doesn't belong to me.
Someday, I can get out of the moment. I can live without you slaying my old happiness.
"I'm just a butterfly flying with no reason and finding my desired match that can only use me and leave me after"
"I'm just an invisible angel, doing all the efforts just for you to be in good hands but cannot notice and be acknowledge."
Yes! I'm stuck and I'm trapped.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Parting Attachment
Eyes kept close for a time,
moments changed just like a crime;
Clueless of the outcome,
falling tears to mount.
What's happened to our promise?
do I need to please?
Many questions in my head,
imaginations and happiness we're dead.
Where are you?
does emotion we gained, ended too?
I don't know what to act,
maybe I must start to crack;
Goodbye is what I never meant
but in the end, it's you who we're bent.
-Renzi Arriola (07-05-15)
moments changed just like a crime;
Clueless of the outcome,
falling tears to mount.
What's happened to our promise?
do I need to please?
Many questions in my head,
imaginations and happiness we're dead.
Where are you?
does emotion we gained, ended too?
I don't know what to act,
maybe I must start to crack;
Goodbye is what I never meant
but in the end, it's you who we're bent.
-Renzi Arriola (07-05-15)
Friday, October 31, 2014
Thanks Tumblr
Minsan iniisip ko, bakit ako nalang yung laging nagmamahal? Ako nalang lagi yung tanga? Lagi nalang ako nawa-Onesided love. Tapos minsan naiisip ko i'm in the situation na "Almost is never enough" WE ARE SO CLOSE OF BEING INLOVE. But almost is never enough.
Pero naiisip ko parang mutual. Pero ayoko talagang isipin HAHAHA. ayoko na maHopia this time. ayoko na. Napapagod na ko. Enjoyin ko nalang den siguro. Pero sana naman no, walang masayang :(
I always asked myself, what's wrong with me? Am I that really ugly kaya wala talagang tumitingin sakin? Tapos iniisip ko, okay naman ako.. Maalaga, mabait, maintindihin. Lahat kaya kong intindihin lalo na kung ikasisiya nya. Pero wala parin. Nakakaintimidate ba ang babaeng nageexcellsa academics? parang feeling ko kasi isang factor rin yun.
Pero ako, pag nagkaboyfriend ako. Di ako maghihgpit. Kung gusto nya sumama sa tropa nya, okay lang sige. Basta he must tell me kung saan, sino sino and iupdate man lang nya ko pero hinding hindi ko sya pagbabawalan ng husto pero syempre lahat may limitation yun. Hindi ko hahayaan na umikot lang yung mundo namin sa isa't isa kasi hindi lang naman kami yung tao sa mundo. And if ever, I will make him proud. gagalingan ko pa sa lahat para lagi syang naaamaze sakin. I will help him kung ano man kailangan nya at ipupush ko sya sa tama. Kahit hindi tama yung kinagisnan nya, pipilitin ko syang pumuta into the right path. Ganon kase ako, ano pa't naging girlfriend ako kung ikukunsinte ko yung mga maling ginagwa nya. Hindi ako magagalit kung magyosi or maginom man sya kasi nature na naman yun ng lalaki. Wag lang gagawa ng kalokohan at wag lang sobra. Sasakyan ko mga trip nya para masaya kami diba. Never ko gagawing awkward at dull moment ang mga times na magkasama kame. Lahat gagawin ko para lang maging masaya sya. Gagawin ko lahat para di sya maghanap ng iba. Walang problema sakin kung tumingin sya sa sexy at maganda. Lalake yan eh. Pero hanggang tingin lang kase gusto ko AKO at AKO LANG ang princess nya :) At higit sa lahat mamahalin ko sya ng sobra sobra sobra. PERO i will not surrender my pure everything. I want him to understand that because it must be given after the marriage. Right? ;)
This is the song that I relate the most in my situation as of now,
MATCHMAKER by Aj Rafael
I don't wanna play cupid again
Don't wanna be just a friend
I know it sounds selfish but it's just how I feel
Don't want to be called a matchmaker
Introduced then he takes her
I'm just being honest and I'm keeping it real
Don't wanna know, say it ain't so
Cause I loved him first, but that's okay
Cause at the end of the day
I gotta learn to be just me
I gotta learn to smile and be happy
I gotta know when it's meant to be
And when it's not
I gotta learn to let you go
You know you can't choose who you fall for
I gotta know if it's meant to be and I know now,
It's not for you and me
So maybe it's not too bad
Seeing him with a new girl
I just want him to live his life the way that he feels
Maybe it's okay I played cupid
Otherwise I'd be stupid
To keep him from the ones that he was destined to meet
Don't let me see, gotta let it be
You know that it still hurts,
But that's okay,
Cause at the end of the day
I gotta learn to be just me
I gotta learn to smile and be happy
I gotta know when it's meant to be
And when it's not
I gotta learn to let you go
You know you can't choose who you fall for
I gotta know if it's meant to be and I know now,
It's not for you and me
Now I wanna know, how they're doing
I don't care if I loved him first
Cause I'm okay,
And at the end of the day
I gotta learn to be just me
I gotta learn to smile and be happy
I gotta know when it's meant to be
And when it's not
I gotta learn to let you go
You know you can't choose who you fall for
I gotta know when it's meant to be and I know now,
It's not for you and me
Yeah
Everybody, eh
I'm a matchmaker, baby yeah
Eh, oh yeah yeah
C'mon now
Lemme hear you, ba ra ba ra
Friday, October 17, 2014
Stop the Feelings
What am I feeling? I feel so afraid to continue what I am feeling. Di ko alam kung kaya ko ba 'to icontinue.
These past few days, I have this doubts, hesitations and questions about what is the real score of my heartstrings. It just came. Suddenly, I started to feel affected, jealous, demanding. I don't know why.
Before, we've been through this everyday agenda. We do it for so long and it just happened that I feel something weird. I started to feel some butterflies inside my stomach and I can't help it. I don't want and I don't want. You know why? Because I can't lose him. I won't.
Everyday I am praying that my babee would also fall inlove with me, he's the one telling me to STOP DAYDREAMING OF WHAT YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WILL NOT HAPPEN. From every moment I wish that Babee must do this to me, must appreciate me. He's the one fulfilling it. He's the one who never bothered to be with me, never stop listening to my pointless dramas. He make some time for me, he treats me. Maybe he's just my REAL bestfriend. My true bestfriend whom I should put my time and efforts first. And I am thankful that he's there. <3 p="">
But lately, I feel so affected. I hate it. Pag pinagpatuloy ko 'to. Hohopia nanaman ako. Kaya sana di na matuloy kasi alam ko naman ako nanaman ang mahuhulog wala namang sasambot. Lol.
These past few days, I have this doubts, hesitations and questions about what is the real score of my heartstrings. It just came. Suddenly, I started to feel affected, jealous, demanding. I don't know why.
Before, we've been through this everyday agenda. We do it for so long and it just happened that I feel something weird. I started to feel some butterflies inside my stomach and I can't help it. I don't want and I don't want. You know why? Because I can't lose him. I won't.
Everyday I am praying that my babee would also fall inlove with me, he's the one telling me to STOP DAYDREAMING OF WHAT YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WILL NOT HAPPEN. From every moment I wish that Babee must do this to me, must appreciate me. He's the one fulfilling it. He's the one who never bothered to be with me, never stop listening to my pointless dramas. He make some time for me, he treats me. Maybe he's just my REAL bestfriend. My true bestfriend whom I should put my time and efforts first. And I am thankful that he's there. <3 p="">
But lately, I feel so affected. I hate it. Pag pinagpatuloy ko 'to. Hohopia nanaman ako. Kaya sana di na matuloy kasi alam ko naman ako nanaman ang mahuhulog wala namang sasambot. Lol.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Feelings of Confession
If we fall in love, maybe we'll sing this song as one. ❤
To all the boys who can't admit their feelings. To all the girls who can't confess their feelings.
What's your plan? Is it the end? Will you just put on those feelings kept? Isn't sad that you can't have the person you really want to? Hmm. So many questions but no answers.
It's hard to confess your feelings to a guy especially if he's not open-minded. I've been with that situation and still, I cannot do a step forward to tell him how I really feel because I know that he's playing around and not that ready for a serious "relationship" Everyone's telling me that I should let him know, maybe he felt the same way too but also scared to let it free.
As a Filipina girl, I have that perception about the feelings. I will not confess! Ever! I will just wait for his confession if it's mutual and if not, then okay. It just fall like this.
But it's all about our own decision. If you know you can face it, then go. Take the risk and be happy. If you're the guy who's afraid of telling the girl your feelings. Don't be. Because you're a man! A man enough to accept rejections and happiness. Don't think that 'i will just hurt her, i am not worthy of her' if you are in that thinking. Then, make a way. Make a way and an effort to deserve her. Don't do anything that can hurt her because you love her.
ADVICE: DON'T RUSH THINGS. Everything has its own time just don't be too late. 😍😳😓
To all the boys who can't admit their feelings. To all the girls who can't confess their feelings.
What's your plan? Is it the end? Will you just put on those feelings kept? Isn't sad that you can't have the person you really want to? Hmm. So many questions but no answers.
It's hard to confess your feelings to a guy especially if he's not open-minded. I've been with that situation and still, I cannot do a step forward to tell him how I really feel because I know that he's playing around and not that ready for a serious "relationship" Everyone's telling me that I should let him know, maybe he felt the same way too but also scared to let it free.
As a Filipina girl, I have that perception about the feelings. I will not confess! Ever! I will just wait for his confession if it's mutual and if not, then okay. It just fall like this.
But it's all about our own decision. If you know you can face it, then go. Take the risk and be happy. If you're the guy who's afraid of telling the girl your feelings. Don't be. Because you're a man! A man enough to accept rejections and happiness. Don't think that 'i will just hurt her, i am not worthy of her' if you are in that thinking. Then, make a way. Make a way and an effort to deserve her. Don't do anything that can hurt her because you love her.
ADVICE: DON'T RUSH THINGS. Everything has its own time just don't be too late. 😍😳😓
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